I’ve sat here for hours now wondering what to post today. Whether I’m just in a fog, or if it’s truly what they call “Writer’s block”, I have no idea. I’m starting to think that photography may be closer to my “calling” than writing. As much as I love words, it seems much easier for me to pick up my camera and snap a shot than it is to sit here in front of a blank screen.
I’m my worst critic. Whether I’m writing or looking at my photographs, fear and doubt seems to creep into all I dream of doing.
Before I started blogging, writing was a joyful outlet for the millions of thoughts that ran through my head. I never worried about whether my grammar or punctuation was correct, because no one ever saw what I had written. I didn’t worry about anyone “seeing” that I have just a ninth grade education. I would grab a pen, and my journal and just write my heart out. I get so intimidated seeing all the wonderful blogs on here, all the talented and well-educated writers, that I wonder why I even started this journey. I haven’t given up on writing, nor have I given up on the dream of writing something special someday, but I’ve talked myself into a corner of sorts. Self-doubt has taken hold.
Since starting this blog, just two weeks ago, my photographs have been so well received, and I thought, “Hey, I can be a photographer!”, maybe I could even make a living taking photos! (I’m still wondering about the punctuation in that last sentence) But, then I allowed the same old doubt to creep into my dream. I know nothing about photography. I don’t know anything about aperture, shutter speeds, lighting, or any other part of what “real” photographers know. I just know that for my entire life I’ve loved taking pictures. I was once told, “You see everything as if through a view finder”. I thought that was the best compliment ever! I have a cheap little Canon that I use, and take all my photos on “Auto”, because I have no idea how to use any of the other “gadgets” on there. There is no money in our weekly budget for a better camera, or for photography classes, and to be honest, I don’t WANT to know all that. I just want to take pictures, and possibly figure out how to make some money by selling my photos. Am I just a dreamer? Is this even possible? Questions, questions, questions. When did I become so timid, when did I lose that girl who dared to do anything, and to hell with what anyone thought? I need to find her again. NOW!
Oh gosh, this is sounding like such a pity post, one of those “please tell me I’m good enough” pieces of crap you see on Facebook every day! I’m going to post a photo, sit back, read my favorite bloggers, and keep my dreams alive. Hopefully I can kill the self-doubt demon that wants to take over before it squashes my hopes and my enthusiasm.