It has taken many years to become comfortable, and actually love myself and the person I have become. I don’t mean this in a narcissistic way at all. After many years of neglect and abuse by so many people in my life, I was the queen of low self-esteem, so this “loving myself” is a relatively new feeling, and is allowing me to grow.
However, I don’t always appreciate the overly romantic, extremely passionate side of myself, the side that can sit here and start crying over a Barry Manilow song, or a John Denver song…I break down every time I listen to “Yesterday When I was Young” by Roy Clark. What the heck is wrong with me? I can deal with the huge amount of empathy I carry for others, even though this can also result in tears. I believe we can never care too much about others, and empathy is necessary for this. I can almost deal with the dreamer side of myself when it comes to love and romance…but, why must I insist on it looking like a movie script? Now, don’t think that I’m not a realist when it comes to what life is really like, I’ve had my share of awful reality placed upon my shoulders in my 5 decades on this Earth, but all of that movie romance stuff must be based on someone’s reality, no?
I also believe that blogging here on WordPress has not helped to quell this romantic, crazy, dreaming, wanting to be loved passionately side of myself. In this artistic environment I have found that there are real poets, real dreamers and seekers of beauty, and I have seen real passion, whether in words, photographs, drawings, and all the rest. So, why is it so hard to find the satisfaction for these desires in my real life? Is there something inside of me that lives in a “Wonderland” that doesn’t really exist, or have I spent my life looking for it in all the wrong places, in the wrong people? Sigh.
Oh gosh, “What a Wonderful World” just came on the radio…I best take my questions, and go grab my tissue box.