I started this blog on Oct. 25, just a couple of months ago. I have mentioned in several posts, and on my “About” page, what I thought blogging would be, what I hoped it might bring to me and to others. It has become so much more than I ever expected.
I won’t get into all the wonderful people and the sense of community I’ve found here, and for which I am so grateful. That has been said before. My surprise and delight at the number of likes and follows I have gotten has been good also.
This is about my discovery of so many things. Here is what I have found in the blogosphere…
- No matter how solitary my life may feel at times, I am never alone.
- That often, the people we consider “strangers” have the biggest hearts, and can show us love.
- I have talents I never considered worthy of sharing with anyone.
This list could be so much longer, but I have found a true treasure here. Freedom.
Freedom from the pain, shame, guilt and fear I have carried for so long.
Last night’s post about the molestation I suffered as a teenager has given me a gift beyond anything I could have imagined here on wordpress.
I have of course revealed all of my traumatic experiences over the years, in therapy and in my journals, and these have helped me to a degree. Leaving the words on a page or in a doctor’s file is somewhat freeing.
What I wrote last night, I wrote with my heart pounding and my hands shaking, not just for recalling what happened, but in the fear of “telling”. There are many secrets we all keep, bad and horrible secrets, and they need to be told.
The difference that post made in my life is honestly beyond words. I’m not even sure I can convey the freedom I feel after my shaking finger pressed “publish”. I think it may be that I found sympathy, something that I had never gotten from therapy or from writing it in my journal. I was and am so touched by the responses of kindness, “hugs” and compassion. It has totally freed me from that horrible incident once and for all!
I am not sure I am even saying this right. I definitely don’t want pity, that helps no one, but my gosh…No one has ever told me, “I’m sorry that happened to you”…”I wish I could hug you”…and “I’m crying for you”….THIS is what allowed me to let it go! All these years later, that is what the 14-year-old girl inside of me has needed, someone to share in her pain and sorrow. Does that make sense?
I cannot begin to express my gratitude to God for bringing me to this blogging world, and to all of you amazing souls who take the time every day to care about me…just one other soul in this huge world.
I don’t ever want my blog to become “depressing”, but there are so many other stories of “not so nice” things I have suffered, and I realize now that this is a safe place for me to do just that, “let them go”. I will try to throw in some humor here and there too, just so ya’ll don’t end up needing therapy yourselves. 🙂
It’s All Good!