Broke, In Pain, and Trying Not to Give in to Giving up….

I am so discouraged today.

I have been having some abdominal pain for like 4 months now. The doctor found blood in my urine with no UTI, so he thought it might be cancer. I went back to the doc on Wed. No blood in urine, but a bacterial infection in my vagina. I am now on antibiotics for that, and I still need to bring in a stool sample to check out my colon health.

Of course, a colonoscopy is what the doc says I really need, but as I am seeing him at the “free” clinic, there is only so much he can do for me with the available resources.

In the meantime, I am broke as always. My food stamps are gone until the 15th. I have food in the house, but am out of some things…Pepsi, bread, cigs etc. Now, the med the doc put me on is causing severe diarrhea and I don’t even have feminine pads to help protect my undergarments, so I just got done cutting up the dog’s wee wee pads to use.

I can’t go panhandling. It has been either deathly hot out or storming. Plus I physically feel like shit.

There is no way to even tell you how exhausted I am of this life. This struggle. This waiting for things to get better. I want to sleep forever. Thank goodness I have tranquilizers…at least I can sleep and dream, and not deal with this shit.

So tired.



21 comments on “Broke, In Pain, and Trying Not to Give in to Giving up….

  1. Dear Kim, I am praying and sending you love and hugs. I don’t want to be inappropriate, or embarrass you… I had folk who would turn up with food, or pop a wee bit of money into my account, and would pray for me. I’m thousands of miles away, so can’t get to you physcially, but let me know where I could make a money transfer if this would help. Really, do, please.

    Liked by 2 people

      • If, my Dear Kim, by: ‘being in the same room’ You mean being in the same situations and circumstances, believe me, I have been in those kinds too; and Quite a lot.

        It might sound Untrue as I am a Catholic Priest, but remember, I am one ‘dropped’ by my diocese.

        I have been able to come out of all that Physical Sickness, Mental Pain and Loneliness and Lack of Money by Learning to Trust.

        I just calmed my mind, refused it permission to raise unnecessary questions, and asked the LORD to explain to me, EXPERIENTIALLY, the meaning of words like: ‘Surely, Only Goodness and Kindness, Shall follow me, All the days of my life,’ which is my own translation of Psalm 23:6a.

        And now my life is changed.

        Wish the same for You. …You see that there are So many generous and good souls who are ready to help out. God Bless them, and You, Abundantly!

        PS: It is true that I live an Extremely simple and economical life, by Choice!

        Wish You Much Happiness, Love and Health. Shall keep You in my prayers. Love. Yesudas.

        Liked by 1 person

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