Good, Sweet Friend of Mine Needs a Hand Up….

My dear friend, Karen is a wonderful lady. She works so hard to run her business and take care of her hubby and kids. She is having to move her auto repair shop and needs some funding. She is also in the midst of planning her wedding…we all know what kind of stress she must be feeling. Please help by donating if you can, and if not…Please Share this post with your friends on social media or in emails…Let’s try to be the miracle she needs. Bless you!

https://www.gofundme.com/female-auto-repair-shop-relocation

There is no Christmas spirit here…

This time of year is always a bit rough for me.

I lost both my mother and my father in December.

My birthday is coming up and I haven’t had a birthday celebration of any kind since I was ten years old. No one has bothered.

On top of all the facts, my depression has kicked into full gear. The “I feel invisible” kind of depression. The kind of depression that makes it hard to breathe, to speak…to do anything…Am I even here?

I miss my parents, my kids and my grandchildren so badly.

I want lights and decorations and a tree…I want to be able to shop for my grands..to send presents. Better yet, I want us all to be together. I want it to matter to them that I can’t be there…I’m not sure that it does.

I want to put up my little tree, put on some Christmas music and force the feeling to come…but I don’t think that it will.

So, I am going to make a rather odd request. A request that will sound strange maybe…but, I don’t care. I’m wondering if ya’ll would be willing to send me a Christmas card?

I know that I sound so pathetic right now..but, I just want SOMEONE to wish me a Merry Christmas (Happy Holidays)…I need encouragement so much right now. I am even going to post my address on here…because honestly? What does it matter if half the world knows where I live???

Kim Hood

3901 Darien Hwy Apt D31

Brunswick, Ga. 31525

At the End of the Day…

So many people are focused on their “to-do” list. They rush through their days, weeks, months, just trying to check as much of that dang list as they possibly can. They want to feel they have accomplished things.

I used to envy those folks. Their ambition, their drive, the way they could run here and there all day long and just get so much done!

My life has changed in so many, many ways in the past few years…okay, decades. I have dreams. I have goals. I have an “idea” of a “to-do” list. But, after all the loss, all the pain and all the surviving I have had to do, I know what is truly important to me each and every day.

My “to-do” list is so very different now. Yes, I have the same things many folks have on theirs, wash clothes, go to the grocery store etc., but those kinds of things will always be here. The list may get longer or shorter, but it’s all just the things we need to do in life.

But what would happen if today was my last day? Would I care if the dishes were done, the clothes washed, the milk picked up? No…

As I sit here watching the sun set on another day, another day I will never have again…I ask myself these simple questions…

Did I make someone else’s day better today? Did I offer a hand, an ear, a shoulder? Did I make them smile or ease their burden a little?

Did I have enough to eat?

Did I laugh?

Did I tell someone I love them?

Did I give something of myself to this world today?

Yes, I did get my laundry done, the groceries bought, the house cleaned up, but at the end of this day, the only day that matters…did I “do” the things that really matter? I believe I did.

IMG_4132

Homeless to Harvard…Well, Not Quite

Okay, so the title is a bit misleading. I am NOT going to Harvard, but I did get accepted to take part in the Star Foundation’s Employment Training program. I am going back to school! It is an eight week course that focuses on computer skills and training to help in obtaining employment. I am so excited!

The program only accepts 24 students per quarter, so I was truly blessed to be accepted. It is just another step toward independence and the creation of my new life.

The training includes Word and Excel, which is why I signed up. With those programs under my belt, my employment possibilities will be greater.

In other news…I had some blood work done a while back and found out that I have diabetes. Blah. I’m not really surprised as it runs in my family, but dang, I was hoping it would skip me. Nevertheless, I have it. Now to find a doctor or clinic I can afford to see. I can manage it pretty well on my own for now, but it’s scary. Luckily I have at least the basics to monitor my glucose levels.

Well, I guess that is it for now! Things are moving forward and the future is bright with possibilities!

Love, peace and hugs!

IMG_3311

 

 

Something I Had Forgotten…

I was looking through my facebook notes just now and found this…it was written about a week before I started this blog and more than a year before I actually became homeless. I hadn’t realized how long I had been struggling. (Of course I KNEW on some level, just never saw the dates)

*THE MANY PAINS OF POVERTY*  October 17, 2013

I see so many different forms of poverty every day, and experience many aspects of it myself. The pain caused by poverty is mostly hidden, felt inside the person experiencing it daily.

There is the physical pain of hunger. This is not always caused by not having food to eat, but many times just skipping meals to make what is in the cupboard last longer. There is also the pain of walking through a grocery store and seeing all the things you wish you could buy, but you stay focused on your list, on the essentials, and you smile at the people you pass…so they can’t see. You smile again when, even though you did the math so carefully, you see the total at check out and realize the package of chicken you picked up has put you over the $10 you have in your wallet. You smile as you ask the cashier to take it off the list, you smile at the customers behind you and play it off like you just forgot to take some more money out of the atm, or left your card at home. You pretend it’s all just fine, until you are safely out of the store, and then you cry when you get in your car, where no one sees. Food banks are always a resource, but you can’t get milk, butter, meat, vegetables or any other fresh food.

Then there is the pain of being physically ill, and knowing that even if you go to the ER, (your only option with no money  or insurance), that they will run tests you can’t afford, give you prescriptions you will never fill, and tell you to see your primary for follow up, which you are unable to do either, so you just don’t go. I knew I had skin cancer for over a year before I found treatment where I could make payments, and even then, was unable to pay all of it after the surgery. Even now, I need follow ups that I just can’t afford to go to yet. The “free” clinics are full, and even if you can get in, if you or your spouse work they will say you don’t qualify, same with medicaid.

I can’t even begin to describe the most recent pain of missing my daughter’s wedding…something I can never get back, and can’t even write about…the pain is still too raw.

The worst pain of all is having to deal with the shame and embarrassment. No one wants to ask for help from friends and family. No one wants to admit that they can’t pay their own bills or buy food. Being judged, made to feel like you are to blame for your poverty is what I will never understand. Life is hard, and no matter how hard you try, you can get thrown. I have some wonderful people in my life who have helped us, some of them many times over, without me ever having to ask, and I am so grateful, and beyond blessed. My husband and I have had some very rough times the past few years, gotten a bit better, and then traveled back down to the “what shall we do now” hell of poverty. My most recent endeavor, starting the fund raising post was not easy for me to do. I am embarrassed, and feel shame constantly, but I had to do something. Losing your pride is also very painful, but necessary to survive poverty. I guess I just don’t want to feel judged anymore, because unless you have been where I have been, you have no true understanding, and thus are in no place to judge. I pray no one ever has to feel this way, that everyone I know, and don’t know will always be blessed. A roof over your head, enough food to eat, bills paid, time to enjoy life instead of living every day wondering if it will all be alright. I try to keep my eyes on God, and my trust in Him…but, it’s not always easy. On this day I have food, a roof, a bed to lay down on, my dogs to keep me company, and a husband working 1200 miles away…the bills are tucked away in a drawer, not seen, but I know they are there…like my shame, my fear, and my poverty.

Oh, and just a last word. I don’t want your pity, and I don’t need your judgement. I wrote this to hopefully find some understanding and empathy…because in the end, that is what we all need most.

IMG_2769

I Got No Gifts for Christmas?? Silly Me…

I knew that Christmas was going to be a bit of challenge for me this year. It has been a roller coaster of emotions.

Last night as I sat here listening to Christmas music and watching the “fireplace” on the television, I suddenly felt sad that I would have no gifts to open when I woke in the morning. Then, I felt the Holy Spirit tap me on the shoulder and whisper to me, “No gifts? Look around loved one”…This previously lost, homeless girl looked around her and was overcome with gratitude. No gifts? Really? I looked around my beautiful new home…the bed and sofa, so lovingly donated, the pictures of family on the walls, the little Christmas tree in the corner. I got up and walked from room to room as the Spirit continued to point out all of the little things that most people would not even notice, and my heart was filled…I needed nothing more. I grabbed my camera and started snapping photos of all the wonderful gifts I had received this year…

I laugh now as I post these photos. “NO gifts” LOL! Silly me. I sat down and ate a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner…

10835187_896801590354742_3574418813848920933_o

The Holy Spirit tapped me again…”Remember being hungry”?

Hmm, yeah.

The emotions hit again this morning when I woke up alone. I saw all the posts on my Facebook page…Families gathering to open gifts, sharing meals together…and once again I cried. I missed my kids, my dogs…family. Then my new friend, Jessie was knocking on my door…prefect timing. I had a good cry and a wonderful hug. I spent the day with her and her wonderful husband. We ate, watched Charlie Brown, listened to beautiful Christmas music. We danced, laughed, hugged, took a walk, talked…Again, the Spirit tapped and whispered…”You have friends, you are loved”….Oh my goodness.

I am sitting at my little desk, listening to Christmas music and I KNOW how many, many gifts I have…I know my life is getting better every single day. Yes, there are moments of mourning, but oh how much of a miracle this all is…I AM HOME. I have wonderful new friends in my life, I am fed…I am loved and best of all…I am not homeless.

10869868_897254403642794_5964377915453153754_o

This is the Merriest Christmas I have had in years. Thank you Lord!

Let’s Be The Miracle…Please Help My Friends

I have so much to be thankful for this year, and I plan on a “thankful” post soon. Today however, my heart is set on helping someone who is in great need. Jessie and Jose are two of the many new friends I have made this year. I am so blessed to know them…but, they are struggling. I have asked and received so much from all of you during my struggles this year…and I am eternally grateful. I am asking now that we help Jose to get the surgery he so desperately needs. One person can’t do much, but as you have shown me, many people doing just a little makes a huge difference. Please look into your hearts this season and let’s be the miracle for this dear friend. Donate and share this link…you won’t be sorry…because when you help others…YOU are so blessed. Love, hugs, and Peace..Kim

http://www.gofundme.com/hl68kw

2632396_fb_1416525487.3687_funds

I Am a Neglectful Blog Parent…

I am so sorry for my neglect here lately. I am definitely NOT going to do well writing for the November challenges.

My new life has been moving forward slowly and steadily, and I am beyond happy. The apartment is coming along nicely, with furniture donations and little touches of my own, it is beginning to look like a home. I still wake every day like it is Christmas morning and I am a four year old child, so excited to be here. Safe, warm, and fed is just amazing. I continue to look for work, but it will come.

My dog Casey was finally adopted from the Humane Society a couple of weekends ago, and I am so happy for her. Though I am heartbroken for myself, missing her terribly, but so blessed to know that she has a real home again too. I don’t have to lie down every night picturing her in that kennel..I pray she is sleeping at the foot of someone’s bed now.

It is difficult at times to believe how much my life has changed and to face how much I have lost. I have yet to fully “look” at it all. Most of you that know me, know that I like to remain as positive as possible, but eventually I will have to expose myself to some of the hurt in order to move past it…just not now. If I were to truly write about it, it would hurt too much. I’ve hurt enough in my life.

Honestly though…if I were to write what I am feeling at this moment, it would just be the word “grateful” over and over again on this page. Funny how writing about the misery is sometimes easier than writing of happiness. Misery is complex and joy in simple, less words are needed. I spend my days listening to fun, happy music…I dance around my apartment, visit with my new friends, sing karaoke on Monday nights with more new friends…I eat and sleep and just LIVE. It is so incredible after so much time merely surviving. This is heaven.

There is a time to be happy, to be content, to just enjoy what the good Lord has blessed us with…and that time is always “now”. I love you all so much, and hopefully I will be here more often. Please keep me in prayer about finding work, and well, about everything! God is so good! Hugs!

P.S. I almost forgot! I passed my one year anniversary on here…wow! I just noticed I have 473 followers…when did that happen? I am still a bit surprised that my little life is of interest to anyone, but truly blessed by knowing. Thanks everyone!

IMG_3596

I Try Not to Think of All I’ve Lost…

I am so grateful for where I am in my life now. However, it’s only been three months since I lost the life I’d known for so long. The marriage had to end, this I know. Neither of us had been happy for so long. There wasn’t much left to grieve there…except for what might have been.
It’s the days and moments when my mind remembers an object I forgot in my haste before the eviction…the books, the trinkets, the Christmas ornament I made when I was 8 years old that make it difficult. There isn’t very much pain in these thoughts, they are just things, and…I am healing.

The one area I can’t seem to get past is the loss of my dogs…Yes, Cody was rescued from the shelter and is now with my ex…not my ideal situation, but at least I know he is loved and cared for by someone he knows.

I try desperately not to think of my dear Casey girl, but there isn’t a day when I don’t grieve, when I don’t pass her photo on Facebook or here, and my chest gets tight, the tears well up…and oh my gosh, the pain is horrible. I am glad that she is no longer in danger of being put down, and that the Humane Society is a better facility than the county shelter…but…I want her HERE with me! I want her to be held, and pet, and played with. I want to feel her lick my face. I dream often of walking the aisle of the shelter, calling her name and hearing her sweet bark of joy to know that “mommy” has come back to get her. I can’t describe the pain…and God knows I have tried to NOT look at her photos, NOT go to the Humane Society page once more to see if she’s been adopted, but it’s like a bad bruise, this pain. You know it will hurt, you know it will crush you, but you push on it anyway. This heartache….it has not gotten any easier…it is not any lighter. She deserves to have a home…just like I do now. How long will I grieve this loss? How long will it take for me to finally give up hope of ever having her with me again? I don’t know. It feels like it will never stop.

I pray she is at least happy…well fed…and maybe, if dogs think this way…I pray she hasn’t given up hope either. Shit. And the tears fall.

So Healthy now!

Homeless Day 28…Just One More Step to Safe!

Praise the Lord!!! I have found a place to go where I will be safe and cared for…I just need a little help to make it these next few days. I won’t get into all of the details yet, but I need only raise enough now for two more nights at the motel (Thursday and Friday). Then, I need money for gas and food…the total to get me from homeless to safe will be about $150 total. I know I have asked and received so much help from all of you already…but, this should be the last time I will need help to get out of this situation. If I can find just 15 people to donate $10 I will be HOME SAFE! WOOOOOOT! Please, if you have already donated this month, just sharing the link for my funding site should help me to reach this final goal…thank you thank you thank you!

http://www.gofundme.com/58zqnw

I am smiling and breathing for the first time since this nightmare began. I am beyond grateful to God and all of you amazing people in my wordpress family for giving me strength and encouragement through your words and actions…I pray every day that I may be there for you also…to warm your hearts as you have done for me…I love you.

Do a happy dance with me!! ()()()())))))*)))))))

"Trees in the Morning Mist"

“Trees in the Morning Mist”