Good, Sweet Friend of Mine Needs a Hand Up….

My dear friend, Karen is a wonderful lady. She works so hard to run her business and take care of her hubby and kids. She is having to move her auto repair shop and needs some funding. She is also in the midst of planning her wedding…we all know what kind of stress she must be feeling. Please help by donating if you can, and if not…Please Share this post with your friends on social media or in emails…Let’s try to be the miracle she needs. Bless you!

https://www.gofundme.com/female-auto-repair-shop-relocation

Before I Was Homeless…A Short Drive and a Big Epiphany

My first day of school was so great! I love my instructor and my classmates, and I was so into just being in a learning environment again. I had thought that the “basics” would be totally boring, but alas, like any good scholar (who has a good teacher), I came away knowing things I hadn’t when I walked into class. I never thought I would be back in school at 54 years old! I’m so grateful I got this opportunity.

I even stayed after class and put in some of my mandatory lab time…I just didn’t want to leave!

Anyway…When I was finally able to tear myself away from my desk…I got in my car, opened the sun roof and cranked up the tunes. The sun was beaming down on my face…the breeze, with just a touch of salt, was wafting through the car…It was pure joy.

I turned down Fourth Street and passed through my old neighborhood…taking me past the house that is no longer mine, with the husband and dogs that are no longer there, past my old life…and you know what? I did not feel a bit of regret! Nope, not one bit. You know why? Because as I drove past all I thought of was the lonely, sad, defeated, hopeless woman who used to live there…and she is no longer there…Nope. Here she was, driving home from school, heading to her new apartment…THIS IS MY LIFE! Oh my gosh…I can’t really convey on the page what this felt like… I started to tear up with joy.

I mean, just a little over six months ago I was sitting in that house alone and scared. My husband had just left that day, and I had taken my sweet dogs to the shelter. I got back to that little house that last day, scared and not knowing what was to come. I didn’t know what I would do with all the belongings in that house. I had no idea where I would go two days later when the eviction notice took effect. I sat down and decided to order Chinese food…I mean, come on…it’s not like the $20 was going to get me a place to stay, right?  I was beyond exhausted by all the loss, pain and worry. I decided for just that night to eat Chinese food and watch my favorite shows in my little house one last time. I decided to just “be”.

As I finished what I now refer to as “The Last Supper Before Homeless”…I took the fortune cookie in my hand and prayed…I prayed for everything I had lost, and everything that I knew nothing about…where I would go, where would I live, what would happen to me along the way?…When I finished praying, I opened the cookie and this is what I found…

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I had no idea at that point what my future would bring, or all that I would have to face…but, it was that little ray of hope I needed to just keep going, to take the next step…So, I took that little fortune and taped it to the front of my laptop…it is still there. And look where I am now.

I would never have imagined that all that loss would turn into all this gain, all this happiness, and honestly, there are still five months left to this “current year”. Who knows what else in in store? Now that I have made it over all the loss…survived being homeless, gotten a wonderful new place to live, new friends who care so much about me…and now, a chance to go to school…I am sitting here tonight in what can only be called “BLISS”. I have more than enough food, enough love, safety, warmth…and best of all…more hope than ever before. What can I say…I am blessed.

I Got No Gifts for Christmas?? Silly Me…

I knew that Christmas was going to be a bit of challenge for me this year. It has been a roller coaster of emotions.

Last night as I sat here listening to Christmas music and watching the “fireplace” on the television, I suddenly felt sad that I would have no gifts to open when I woke in the morning. Then, I felt the Holy Spirit tap me on the shoulder and whisper to me, “No gifts? Look around loved one”…This previously lost, homeless girl looked around her and was overcome with gratitude. No gifts? Really? I looked around my beautiful new home…the bed and sofa, so lovingly donated, the pictures of family on the walls, the little Christmas tree in the corner. I got up and walked from room to room as the Spirit continued to point out all of the little things that most people would not even notice, and my heart was filled…I needed nothing more. I grabbed my camera and started snapping photos of all the wonderful gifts I had received this year…

I laugh now as I post these photos. “NO gifts” LOL! Silly me. I sat down and ate a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner…

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The Holy Spirit tapped me again…”Remember being hungry”?

Hmm, yeah.

The emotions hit again this morning when I woke up alone. I saw all the posts on my Facebook page…Families gathering to open gifts, sharing meals together…and once again I cried. I missed my kids, my dogs…family. Then my new friend, Jessie was knocking on my door…prefect timing. I had a good cry and a wonderful hug. I spent the day with her and her wonderful husband. We ate, watched Charlie Brown, listened to beautiful Christmas music. We danced, laughed, hugged, took a walk, talked…Again, the Spirit tapped and whispered…”You have friends, you are loved”….Oh my goodness.

I am sitting at my little desk, listening to Christmas music and I KNOW how many, many gifts I have…I know my life is getting better every single day. Yes, there are moments of mourning, but oh how much of a miracle this all is…I AM HOME. I have wonderful new friends in my life, I am fed…I am loved and best of all…I am not homeless.

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This is the Merriest Christmas I have had in years. Thank you Lord!

Let’s Be The Miracle…Please Help My Friends

I have so much to be thankful for this year, and I plan on a “thankful” post soon. Today however, my heart is set on helping someone who is in great need. Jessie and Jose are two of the many new friends I have made this year. I am so blessed to know them…but, they are struggling. I have asked and received so much from all of you during my struggles this year…and I am eternally grateful. I am asking now that we help Jose to get the surgery he so desperately needs. One person can’t do much, but as you have shown me, many people doing just a little makes a huge difference. Please look into your hearts this season and let’s be the miracle for this dear friend. Donate and share this link…you won’t be sorry…because when you help others…YOU are so blessed. Love, hugs, and Peace..Kim

http://www.gofundme.com/hl68kw

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I’m Homeless, and It’s Not My Fault…Day 6

This week has been such a blur of thoughts, emotions and fear. It is surreal to know that the life I had just a week ago has disappeared. The dogs, the husband, the home…all gone. I am alone.

Everything is different. I feel free on the one hand…my marriage having died years ago, but to think he would leave me this way is hard to swallow. The dogs being gone is one of the hardest parts..I try not to think about them, it just hurts so much. I have to be content to know that they are safe and cared for…I can’t even say that about myself.

Now, before I say this next part…a bit of a disclaimer…I KNOW that there are people who truly care about what I am facing, and care about how I am doing, but to be honest…it feels like I matter to no one. I am here with my thoughts and fears, alone. Day in and day out, I wonder what I am going to do, where will I go when I no longer have the rent for this room? What if I don’t get a job in time? How long will the food last…Those who one would normally turn to at a time like this, family and friends seem to be the ones who keep the most distance. Why? I can understand that they don’t know what to say, don’t know what to do to help me. I don’t even know the answers, but I didn’t do this to myself. I’m not a drunk or a druggie, I am not lazy. It’s like I have the plague. I have become one of those people you see on the sidewalk, begging for money, and you avert your eyes. It’s too uncomfortable to see, to even think that YOU might be that person if all went to hell tomorrow. I spent 15 years taking care of house, hubby, dogs, bills, and all of that…and had my entire life pulled out from under me, like a rug.

I feel like an outcast. I have had to put anything resembling pride aside, and ask total strangers, friends and family to donate money to help me survive. When it gets this bad, you have to do things that you never thought you would or could. There is no room for pride when you are homeless, when the fear of the unknown is all that you have left.

There is room for prayer, for trusting God to show me the way, to hope that I will find the rent, the food, the gas..the job. But, as I sit here alone today, in this little motel room..I will be content, I will be hopeful. I have to be.

If  you are able to help, the donation link is on my page, just re-posting the link on social media would be a tremendous blessing also!

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Shall I Write?

I’ve been debating a post for weeks now, as I don’t feel I have anything to say. I am determined to write positively and be an uplifting soul to those who bother to read this little space, but I feel if I wait for those uplifting posts to come to me we will all be waiting a long time.

I lost my appetite about two months ago. At first I thought it was from the severe anxiety attacks I had been experiencing, but now that those have lessened…well, honestly, I don’t know what it wrong. I force myself to eat to keep my strength up, some days I manage well, others…not so much.

I sleep like a fairy tale princess…lost in dreams I don’t wish to wake from. I don’t feel particularly depressed about anything, but my life here has so little to offer at the moment that the dreams are so much more fun. I sometimes sleep for 12 hours straight! I try to get out of bed when I wake, but there is so little that changes from day to day…feed the dogs, make tea, sit here at this table and spend my day playing games on the computer..alone…always alone. It is just so easy to stay in bed and sleep.

There is not any money to do anything or to go anywhere, I have to save what gas I have in the car to do errands, pay bills.

My poor dogs have fleas, and I have been battling with baths and vacuuming to try and beat them. I am hoping after paying rent this week that there is money left for some flea treatment for them. I feel like a horrible pet parent.

I want to reach out more…to call my sister or a friend, but I feel like there is nothing to say…and so, this blog has suffered as well.

Every night I make promises to myself…I will get up early tomorrow. I will write. I will get out and take some photos. Then…the morning comes and I face another day that reminds me of a really bad remake of “Groundhog Day”…and I lapse into my sleeping coma…awaken late into the afternoon, and berate myself for being “lazy”, for not doing what I promised myself I would.

Are we there yet?

I’m thinking if all else fails…maybe I should just post some pics of this little life I have here. This little shack we call home, the dogs, the overgrown yard that I keep badgering hubby about getting cleaned up, and yet, I have no inclination to do myself.

Why do I feel the need to apologize to all of you? Probably because I don’t like negativity in anyone…least of all myself. I will smile, dance to the silly songs on the radio…make myself eat something and try to be cheery when hubby comes in the door.
It is extremely hot today, and I finally put the AC on….On I go! Love, hugs and peace my dear friends.

Sunset Bird

Porch Sittin’, Friend Huggin’, Flowers Bloomin’ Day…

So the debate between crawling back in bed and getting out of the house was won as I put my shoes on and got in my car. I had a couple of items to pick up at the new Dollar General right down the street and as I came toward home I drove on past. I stopped to bring hubby a soda at the house he is working on, and proceeded to drive to my friend Sheila’s house. I’m so glad I did. I knew a little porch sittin’ and one or two of her lovely hugs were just what I needed. We chatted, hugged, laughed and looked at all the lovely flowering bushes in her yard. It was so nice to just be out of the house. I’ve found it tough to make myself  just get out sometimes, not wanting to waste gas etc., but she lives so close. I need to do this more often.

I came home and sat out on my steps reading and playing “my stick” with the dogs. Fresh air, sunshine, fresh perspective. It’s all good. My faith in God’s plan is always with me, even when I wish He would let me in on it.

Sunlight

Sunlight

Four Months, 341 Followers, Freakin’ Amazing!

I began this blog back in October with no real idea what I was going to do with it and no idea how much this little spot in cyberspace would add to my life.

I have “met” some of the most amazing people here. I’ve been able to experience so many forms of artistic expression in writing, photography, poetry, spirituality and so much more. I’ve also realized how easy it is to become close with people I have never been in the same room with. I have been so blessed by the caring and compassionate comments and actions of the  friends I have made here on WordPress. To realize that over 300 people would want to read what I write, even when all I write is day-to-day stuff, is just stunning.

The encouragement and feedback I have received on both my writing and photography has opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me, one I would never have thought I wanted for myself…for all of this…I say, “Thank You!”

I can not possibly mention all who have had an effect on my life, but I must mention a few people who have truly touched me either through their writing or through phone conversations and emails have come to be really good friends…

Joy over at Bleeding my Emotions has been such a sweet and devoted follower and a good friend.

Mark  was my first taste of true blogger friendship when he went above and beyond to rescue my blanket from a motel in Syracuse NY. You can read about that here.

Okay…this is too hard..there are too many wonderful people and blogs I follow, and I would feel bad if someone felt left out. All of you mean so much to me, and I wish I had the time and patience to include every one of you! The best way to do this is to ask you to check out the list on my page and read some of these amazing blogs!

Ruth

  Margaret

Juan

Pat

Cecilia

Jr.

…and so many more! I am grateful and humbled by all of my followers. Love, Peace, and Hugs!

Shrimp Boat

Shrimp Boat

Early Dawn at Massengale Beach

"The Pier"

“The Pier”

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Sydney Lanier Bridge

Sydney Lanier Bridge

Blocked, Bored and Blessed 200th Post~

I am still experiencing a bit of a block on the writing front, add to that… I’m bored out of my mind! The warm weather has given way to storms, which are fine, but not conducive to taking photographs. I am feeling really well physically and spiritually, so I’m not  complaining. I just want you all to know why I have not posted much lately.

It is probably a good time to catch up on some reading, plant some writing seeds. I have some ideas for posts, but have not stayed focused on any of them long enough to get the urge to write. It will come.

All of this spring fever has done wonders for the house though…looks pretty good! Gosh, I can’t even write an “I have nothing to write” post! Ugh…Peace, Love and Hugs everyone!

"Raindrops on Poinsettia"

“Raindrops on Poinsettia”

Her Waking Dreams

She listened as the birds began their morning song, another night gone. Sleep had not been her companion lately. It felt as if she would never sleep again. She lay in anticipation each night, waiting and praying for the only escape she knew, the one escape that wouldn’t come.

She had never been a weak soul, but fear and loathing had taken hold of her some years before, and no matter how hard she tried she could not wriggle free of its grasp. The endless thoughts torturing her as she tried with all her might to dismiss them and turn her focus elsewhere. She willed her mind to imagine the life she longed for, the life she never lost hope of having. In that life there was laughter and friends. In that life there was no fear of want, or of impending doom, there was only a calming sense of warmth, companionship and security, and of a kind of love she had never known. A world of endless make-believe came alive each night as she buried herself in her books and movies, taking her place among the characters and reaching for that feeling, the one she knew existed somewhere…somewhere else.

Hunger would finally drag her back into her reality, forcing her from her bed and from her revelry. She walked softly through the quiet house and stood by the stove, the cold floor making her feet ache, feeling foolish once again for wanting, for needing anything other than what was here and now. Oh but it was so hard to not wander back again… back into that world in her mind, to see the vision, to hope just a little more…that she could be that girl in her dreams. She could almost hear her own laughter, such a strange sound to her ears, like someone she had known long ago…in another time, another place, another life…a life she’d yet to live.

After sating her physical hunger, she made her way back to her tiny room, crawled beneath the covers looking for warmth and praying this time that sleep would come, it always seemed to come just as the light was peeking through the slats in the window. A part of her felt guilt for wanting to ignore the daylight, for hating her reality, but she gave herself over to the visions, the dreams, the people and places that meant peace and happiness…the dream of being loved, of feeling safe…she let it take her. She rolled over and sighed…changing the channel once again, until she found another form of make-believe, and she listened to the birds sing.IMG_3053