Gosh, it’s been so long and there is much to catch up on.
Unfortunately, I need to get back into writing mode. Things are getting better for me…little by little. I am so grateful to have “made it” out of the dark and back to the light. Until I have a better idea of what I want to write…here are a few of my recent photos….Love and hugs, Kim
Good Morning All! I know, I know, I am so incredibly lax in posting lately. I would give an excuse, except that I really don’t have one.
Everything continues to improve…The apartment looks more and more like a home, and I spent Thanksgiving with my new friends…All very good stuff. I guess part of the reason for not writing much is that I don’t think a post of just “joy, joy, joy” written on a page would make for very good reading, but that is how I feel.
I am still looking for a job, and times when the car insurance is due and food stamps are low still cause some anxiety, nothing is really so bad. There is just so much to be thankful for once you have had the experience of losing everything…perspective brings much gratitude. Hell yeah.
A few photos from my balcony this morning and one of my daily visitor, one of the local strays. She helps fill some of the “empty pet” syndrome I now suffer. Oh, and a “shadow” of me. Have a wonderful, awesome, thankful day!
I am so grateful for where I am in my life now. However, it’s only been three months since I lost the life I’d known for so long. The marriage had to end, this I know. Neither of us had been happy for so long. There wasn’t much left to grieve there…except for what might have been.
It’s the days and moments when my mind remembers an object I forgot in my haste before the eviction…the books, the trinkets, the Christmas ornament I made when I was 8 years old that make it difficult. There isn’t very much pain in these thoughts, they are just things, and…I am healing.
The one area I can’t seem to get past is the loss of my dogs…Yes, Cody was rescued from the shelter and is now with my ex…not my ideal situation, but at least I know he is loved and cared for by someone he knows.
I try desperately not to think of my dear Casey girl, but there isn’t a day when I don’t grieve, when I don’t pass her photo on Facebook or here, and my chest gets tight, the tears well up…and oh my gosh, the pain is horrible. I am glad that she is no longer in danger of being put down, and that the Humane Society is a better facility than the county shelter…but…I want her HERE with me! I want her to be held, and pet, and played with. I want to feel her lick my face. I dream often of walking the aisle of the shelter, calling her name and hearing her sweet bark of joy to know that “mommy” has come back to get her. I can’t describe the pain…and God knows I have tried to NOT look at her photos, NOT go to the Humane Society page once more to see if she’s been adopted, but it’s like a bad bruise, this pain. You know it will hurt, you know it will crush you, but you push on it anyway. This heartache….it has not gotten any easier…it is not any lighter. She deserves to have a home…just like I do now. How long will I grieve this loss? How long will it take for me to finally give up hope of ever having her with me again? I don’t know. It feels like it will never stop.
I pray she is at least happy…well fed…and maybe, if dogs think this way…I pray she hasn’t given up hope either. Shit. And the tears fall.
The title says it all…well, all I can say for now I guess. I’m scared. Am being evicted as of this coming Wed. Hubby is going his way, and I am going mine. I have a temporary place to stay, but it is not an ideal situation. My brother wants me to come back to Mass. He has stage 4 prostate cancer, and is on disability. He wants to pay for me to come home when he gets his next check, but I don’t want him to have to do that, so I am trying to raise donations to get me home. If I can’t raise enough to get home yet, the funds will help me to stay off of the street, and buy me some time. I know it is a lot to ask, and please, if you can’t help I understand. I want no one to feel badly. If you can’t help personally, it would help if you could repost the link for me on social media. I am truly blessed by you all caring so much for me. Now, I guess you know why I have been so absent lately. Life is tough, but so am I. I will make it with God’s help. Hugs, love and peace.
As you know from previous posts, I have been fighting to get rid of fleas on my dogs. The chemically loaded spot on treatments, which I hate using, were not working at all, so I began a hunt for more natural methods.
I began with adding small amounts of garlic to their food, and feeding them brewer’s yeast tablets, both designed to make the dogs smell badly to the fleas. I also steeped a bunch of lemons and put in a spray bottle with water and used this on them too. I’m not sure how well these were working, the internal items taking time to get into the dog’s system, so today I made a shampoo for them.
I took a bottle of Johnson’s Baby shampoo, poured half into a plastic cup and added 6 or 7 drops of pure cedar wood oil. I then filled the tub with part of this and shampooed them with it. Starting at their necks, so the fleas can’t run onto their faces, I then soaped them up good and let it remain on them for at least 5 minutes, avoiding their eyes of course.
I am so pleased! The fleas were dying and dropping off of my dogs! I couldn’t tell as well when bathing Cody, as his fur is black and thick, but with Casey we could see them trying to get off of her and dying on contact! This is so much better than using all those nasty chemicals. Please be sure if you try this that you dilute the Cedar Wood Essential oil..and that it is PURE essential oil, not the stuff you use for scenting your home. I am so relieved to have found this. You can also put a couple of drops onto your dog’s collar or a bandana and let it dry, put back on your dog. The scent does something to the pheromone receptors of the fleas and they won’t bite!