The Prodigal Writer Returns….I Hope.

Once again, I am sorry to all of my friends, followers and anyone else who is interested in this life of mine.

It has been such a struggle these past few years. I guess sometimes it’s easier to write about things when they are going badly than when things are well.

I am doing well. I am in a relationship with an awesome and caring man, though I’m still a bit skittish about it getting so serious. But, I know he cares so deeply for me…a type of caring that I have never experienced in my life. So, I’m just going with the flow for now…no rush.

I don’t really want to talk about my mental health struggles tonight, so this post will be a photographic “story” of me and my sweetheart’s Valentine’s Day weekend away. It was amazing to be in such a beautiful place with someone I adore. I was also allowed to bring my dog, Penny Lane, with us, so that made it all the more special.

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No Looking Back…A New Year…

I’ve pondered this post all morning. I have read many posts reflecting on and reviewing the past year (looking back), and many more on looking forward, people making resolutions and plans for the new year.

Looking back, or reviewing my past year, well, let’s admit, it wouldn’t be pleasant. I am only going to take the wisdom I gathered from that time, tuck it into my heart and carry it with me. Looking forward is wonderful, though I think that resolutions are just an unnecessary  pressure we put on ourselves. I’m not against planning on making improvements to ourselves or aiming for accomplishments, but the greatest gift I received from this past year, was a new way of looking at “time”. Time is an illusion…but, that is another post.

Whether we spend time reviewing the past year or planning for the coming year…we are using up the most precious moments of “now”.  Yesterday is done, tomorrow not promised. So, I will not look backward nor forward today…I will only look around me. THIS is the moment I have to spend…right now. I don’t want to lose it by pondering any other.

Wishing you all a wonderful, exciting and prosperous New Year…but don’t forget to just “be” in this day. The rest will come (hopefully), whether we plan it or not.

A photo I took while enjoying my tea this morning, and once again feeling so incredibly blessed with my life…

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My New Home on the Butterfly Highway…

Hello all! My desire to write, to let the millions of words and emotions tumble out onto the page is a bit overwhelming. There is so much to tell!

I am safe, happy and content. Wow, just saying that still surprises me. The past months have been beyond hard, and now, well, this is amazing. Starting over. I have had moments of grief over losing so much, but I remain in the present moment more often. There is no room for unhappiness or regret.

My new home is the most peaceful, beautiful place I could have imagined. I have wonderful neighbors, who are quickly becoming friends. This little apartment is so pretty, though still mostly empty lol. I am sleeping on an air mattress, and the only other furniture is a table and chair left by the previous tenant…oh, and a dresser given to me. It is enough.

I wake every day astonished and grateful…I walk around this place and keeping praising God for bringing me HOME.

The job search continues. I did land a job, but only lasted one day…the work being much too physically strenuous for me. No worries, the “right” job is just around the corner. I finally got my food stamps, so hunger is no longer an issue either.

I wish my thoughts were not so jumbled at the moment!

Anyway…I was sitting on the steps of my balcony a while ago, appreciating the deep blue of the sky, the warm breeze…and watching the “train” of butterflies that come through each day. It’s funny how they know where the “highway” is…they come through the same “path” each day, somehow knowing exactly where to go. I envy them this. I can learn from them…moving on instinct, not worrying about a thing..just moving forward. This is me.

I just recently got my camera and all my personal belongings back, and soon, I will post photos of the new place…of my new life.

Again, I must take the time to thank all of you for your amazing support, love and friendship as I went through this trial. I love you.

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Spring weather, Lack of posts, Lack of inspiration…

I feel horribly neglectful with my blog lately. I am in a funk of my own making.

The weather is absolutely beautiful, sunny, breezy and in the 70s. I should be inspired, but I’m not. I guess being in survival mode constantly is so wearing on a soul. I am trying to meditate, smile, keep busy. Being unable to buy phone minutes this week, I have been somewhat isolated. I want to take a drive to the island, but have to save what gas there is in the car. Blah…that is what I think of this post, and I how I feel in general.

Sitting here thinking…Write something uplifting! Inspire someone else…Hmm. Sorry, I’m just not “there”. Love and hugs to all of you. I will come up with something worth reading…soon, I hope!

Pier at Sunset

Pier at Sunset

“Remember Something that Made You Feel Good”…

My therapy appointment last week was tough to say the least. I sat in the chair shaking and trying to spill my guts about all the fear I was feeling…Was I going to be homeless, lose my dogs, starve? I had no idea.

My therapist finally said to me, “I want you to remember a time when you felt good and tell me about it.” I didn’t have to think for long..I said, “Living at my grandparents house, between the ages of 10 and 12, was the best time of my life. The only truly carefree days I have ever known.”

I began the story with the night we finally broke free from my father.

My brother’s used to wait by their bedroom window and yell down the stairs to Mom, letting her know that Dad was home and telling her to get on the couch, pretend she was asleep. Maybe he wouldn’t beat her. It didn’t work that night. My sister and I crawled into the bottom bunk together, holding pillows over our heads so we wouldn’t hear. We heard. I don’t know what came over me, but at some point I found myself peeking through the small opening between the stairs and top floor, just in time to see my father raise his fist. I watched as my mother went airborne and landed on the other side of the room. I don’t remember going downstairs. I must have been crazy. The next thing I recall is standing between my parents, Mom on the floor behind me, Dad standing in front of me looking so imposing and threatening in his uniform. As Mom would tell it to me years later, I stood all of 3 feet tall, hands on my hips, my little knees shaking, yelled at my father to just go to bed! I don’t remember much more of that night. My brother woke my sister and I later on and said, “Come on…we’re going to Grammy and Papa’s house.”

Sweetest words I ever heard. I loved it at their house. I remembered waking up in the bedroom with the slanted ceiling, the scent of summer coming in the windows,the breeze lifting the white curtains with the little puff balls on them. The smell of those sheets was like a warm hug, not a scent you get from dryer sheets, but from bleach, bluing and fresh air. Reaching my hand up behind me and running my fingers around the curly cues of the white wrought iron. I was safe. I was HOME.

The sound of glass milk bottles rattling as the milk man made his delivery.

Going downstairs in the morning, Grammy at the kitchen table, the sunlight falling across the linoleum floor, warming my feet. I’d get my bowl of cereal and stand by the door, the smell of warming wood and metal screens. It was an old screen door with glass panes for winter, screens for summer, and a spring at the top that made it slam shut when we let it go, a sound that still soothes me to this day.

I couldn’t recall my mother being around much then. She was either in and out of psychiatric facilities or…I don’t know, but it didn’t matter. I only know I was happy. I had a chance, for a while, to just be a kid.

Playing, playing, playing. That was my world. The old pump organ in the garage, climbing over boxes to get to it so I could sit and pump the petals, making nothing even close to music, but it was fun. Making leaf “houses” with my sister, which were basically just an outline in leaves..We would make rooms and doors and spend hours with our dolls and dishes playing house. We used our imaginations back then…remember? Skating on the “pond” which was really just a swamp. My brothers and a neighbor placing a barrel in the water during the summer so that they could jump it on skates in the winter, and watching as the neighbor kid jumped it and went through the ice on the other side. That kid just disappeared, and we laughed so hard.

Sledding down the hill at the cemetery out onto the frozen pond. My little brother was buried at the top of that hill. The time my best friend A. and I took the small dinghy out on the “pond” during a dry summer and getting stuck in the muck, having to be rescued by her older brother.

Behind A’s house was a large tree that had a rope swing and a tree house that the boys had built. I loved that swing, though the wooden slats that were nailed on as “steps” were a bit scary. One time, A. our other friend L. and I were out there swinging. It was my turn. I climbed the steps carefully, slid myself across the branch, A. swung the rope until I caught it. I place my foot in the loop at the bottom of the rope, scooted to the edge of the branch, and launched. I left the branch and stopped short about a foot or two, in midair….my underpants had gotten caught on a nail that was sticking out of the branch! I hung there screaming, wondering how long I could hold onto the rope as A. and L. stood 14 feet below me, laughing their butts off. Finally, L. scurried up the tree, slid across and somehow managed to pull me back to the branch. I pulled myself together and launched again…Oh, what a feeling it was! That first few seconds of falling until the rope snapped taut and I sailed through the air…laughing.

What a world it was. I really need to put together a readable story here. It was such a blessed time in my life, so many things to recall. Maybe I will…

A quick update on our situation. Hubby is finally going to do a roofing job on Tuesday. We still don’t have rent, but I’m hoping the landlord will give us time. The other bills have all come in, but will just have to wait. I am trying each day to just breathe, just BE. It will all be okay…somehow. Please keep us in prayer. Hugs

Grammy Wood

 

Good Morning, No Chili, and Possum Hunting!

A lovely Saturday morning here in South Georgia.  I was hoping to make it to the Chili Cook-Off on the island today, but I woke a bit later than planned and hubby’s paycheck has not arrived yet. Oh well, I’m not as motivated as I would have liked anyway…so, here I sit with my tea and my “morning” music. It’s all good.

A bit of an update on the “rat” the dogs killed the other night. Last night I let them out and they started a maniacal barking fest by the fence. When I finally decided to go out and get them I found what they were barking at…there was a HUGE mama possum walking across the top of the fence, and that is when I realized that the victim I had found a few nights ago was not a rat, but a juvenile possum! I was kind of sad for a moment as Mama Possum sat looking at me from her perch. I guess I’m not as Southern as I thought if I don’t know the difference between a rat and a possum. Hmm

My health has still been up and down, but today is a good day…I’ll take it. In the moment.

Today’s quick thought…How much do you worry? What are you worrying about right now? I am the queen of worry, and it’s such a waste of time. Most of what I worry about either never happens or will happen and I just have to deal with it…worrying won’t change the situation. If I think back on all the tough times I have had to go through and that seemed like “the end of the world”, and I remind myself that I made it through. I survived whatever I thought was so tragic, and thinking back on some of them now, most weren’t half as bad as I had feared. If you are worried about something today…ask yourself this simple question, “How will this situation look five years from now?” Chances are the thing you are fretting about today won’t be as “big” as you think. It is what it is. Stay in the moment, count your blessings, and leave the rest to God. You are in good hands. Love, Peace and Hugs!

Squirrel Watch

Squirrel Watch

Beautiful Weather Today…

It was amazingly warm today, around 65, sunny and breezy.

I had planned to go out and shoot some photographs, however, after running a couple of errands, my body told me it was too soon to be doing much more. I got tired very quickly.

I have enjoyed this day so much…just relaxing since I got home, listening to some great music and watching the dogs playing out back. I hope you all have had a wonderful Monday!

Monday, Monday…

Not having a job outside of the home makes weekends just something that others look forward to.  A day is a day to me. Time is a made up concept that puts so much stress on us, yes it’s “necessary” to make it to work, or the doctor’s on time, but other than that, this is the only moment that really exists, outside of time as we perceive it.

Now that I’ve rambled on about nothing of substance, I am off to eat the lovely piece of fish I picked up earlier. I am taking Dr. Wayne Dyer into bed with me, and curl up with him. This moment is fine. I have all that I need for this day and this moment.

All the rest will be whatever the universe decides, with or without my help.

It is sunny, 64 degrees out, the dogs are here to keep me company. I will center myself, meditate, breathe…BE.

Have a wonderful day everyone. Have I told you I love you all so much? Well, I do.

Sunrise and Shadows

Sunrise and Shadows

Wrong Thinking, Our Downfall

I love this blogger’s philosophy, thoughts and words. Need an uplifting post today? Check it out!

Source of Inspiration

dark thoughts1

Wrong thinking
creates misery
for our thoughts
have unimagined
power. We think
something negative
or unkind and that
thought goes out
attracting like
energies, affecting
all it touches. Send
loving thoughts
to those who harm
to help them change
for your dark thoughts
only feed their darkness.
Never forget that what
you send out in thoughts
and deeds always returns.

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