I’m Homeless, and It’s Not My Fault…Day 6

This week has been such a blur of thoughts, emotions and fear. It is surreal to know that the life I had just a week ago has disappeared. The dogs, the husband, the home…all gone. I am alone.

Everything is different. I feel free on the one hand…my marriage having died years ago, but to think he would leave me this way is hard to swallow. The dogs being gone is one of the hardest parts..I try not to think about them, it just hurts so much. I have to be content to know that they are safe and cared for…I can’t even say that about myself.

Now, before I say this next part…a bit of a disclaimer…I KNOW that there are people who truly care about what I am facing, and care about how I am doing, but to be honest…it feels like I matter to no one. I am here with my thoughts and fears, alone. Day in and day out, I wonder what I am going to do, where will I go when I no longer have the rent for this room? What if I don’t get a job in time? How long will the food last…Those who one would normally turn to at a time like this, family and friends seem to be the ones who keep the most distance. Why? I can understand that they don’t know what to say, don’t know what to do to help me. I don’t even know the answers, but I didn’t do this to myself. I’m not a drunk or a druggie, I am not lazy. It’s like I have the plague. I have become one of those people you see on the sidewalk, begging for money, and you avert your eyes. It’s too uncomfortable to see, to even think that YOU might be that person if all went to hell tomorrow. I spent 15 years taking care of house, hubby, dogs, bills, and all of that…and had my entire life pulled out from under me, like a rug.

I feel like an outcast. I have had to put anything resembling pride aside, and ask total strangers, friends and family to donate money to help me survive. When it gets this bad, you have to do things that you never thought you would or could. There is no room for pride when you are homeless, when the fear of the unknown is all that you have left.

There is room for prayer, for trusting God to show me the way, to hope that I will find the rent, the food, the gas..the job. But, as I sit here alone today, in this little motel room..I will be content, I will be hopeful. I have to be.

If  you are able to help, the donation link is on my page, just re-posting the link on social media would be a tremendous blessing also!

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25 comments on “I’m Homeless, and It’s Not My Fault…Day 6

  1. I am a person who has had some tough times, too. I feel bad, I mentioned on Mark’s blog, I am one who is not able to help anyone. I use that trite but true quote, hopefully, one day you will understand it: “Charity begins at home.” When I have extra money while I work at an auto parts warehouse in the summer, I put it away for the winter months, when I barely make it on my paychecks. The bills are higher in the winter. I have been married 3 times, raised a 6 month old, 3 and 5 year old for seven full years, the sum of 9 summers, too. I gave up my teaching to stay at home and be a babysitter, while I was single those years. My last husband and I were together for 13 years, but I was working on my goals, teaching and waitressing for 4 nights a week, to get my Master’s degree. I was working long hours at the restaurant, while studying to keep my teaching job. In 2008, you had to have in Ohio, a Master’s or you were laid off. I did not pursue unemployment, just started working at a warehouse. I lost my house, my husband and yet, I lived. I felt relief. My 3 children and 6 grandchildren know how many sacrifices I made, so they make me dinners ‘to go!’ And they check in on me, in my little 1 bedroom apt. that I feel lucky to have. I wish you every chance to find a job, a life and make a plan. So sorry about the dogs, I left one behind, too. Hugs and prayers sent your way, from Robin

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  2. I know what it feels like to feel that you are alone and that you may never come out the other side, but you will. Stay strong and know that there are people thinking about you and hoping that you are well. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time but you will make it through. My thoughts are with you. =)

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  3. I know what it’s like to be one or two paychecks away from disaster. Years ago, my two daughters and I were in that scary place when I lost a job. Fortunately, another opportunity opened up. I’m visiting from Mark Bialczak’s blog and wishing you all the best in finding a safe and secure place to stay.

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  4. Pingback: A quiet cry for help from one of our own | markbialczak

  5. In my worst moments…coincidentally one also sitting in a motel in New york – homeless and thinking, ‘Jeez, what now?’ I couldn’t see what my next step would be.
    But somehow the step gets taken and you get through it. Clearly there are some people thinking of you on this page.
    If indeed this is rock bottom, there is only one way to go from here. Up.

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  6. kim, i work in a social services setting. if you’d like, i could email you some suggestions for this life changing experience you are going through. it’s not easy, but there are people who care!

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  7. Hey Kim, praying, praying, praying for you. I found your blog via Celi. You’re precious to God and he’s got you tight in His arms right now. Our great big merciful God of unlimitless love and miracles gives us a whole new family when we let Him into our lives. So, Sister, keep on walking with Him and pressing into Him. Let Him carry your burdens. He’s got you covered and always provides. I know, I know… it’s easy for me to say (or type). Sending you prayers and hugs (cos we all need hugs) x

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  8. I’ve been wondering how you are. I’ve been away for the weekend so only just seen this. Please know you are not alone. You matter to people and especially to God. I will continue to pray for u. I’m so sorry I can’t help financially, we are in a very similar situation and I’m not sure at the moment how our rent will be covered either. I am so sorry though that you are enduring this. I know it’s awful. Lots of love xx

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