Five years later…Where I am today

So, a little catch up since I quit writing so far back.

Those of you who followed me through my homelessness know most of the story. Those of you who are new and want to read any of my journey may check my archives beginning in July of 2014.

Anyway…I got my first apartment through a federal program in August of 2014. Since that time they have moved me to another apartment complex.

At first I was upset because I loved my other apartment so much, but I’ve grown to love this one just as much, if not more. I am living closer to the marshes now (right across the street), so I can smell the salty ocean almost every day. Sigh…

When I first moved into this place three years ago, I still had no income. I had a place to live (thank God), and food stamps, but no cash coming in. I was having to panhandle to provide the basic necessities of life,and also depended on the kindness of friends and family. I had tried going to work, but the stress from being homeless had made my mental health issues worse. My anxiety attacks were almost constant, even with meds. My therapist said this was to be expected after the trauma I had suffered.

Anyway, I applied for SSI, which is a form of disability for those of us who never worked enough, (I was a homemaker most of my life), to earn points toward SSD. I got a good lawyer and began the process. I literally survived for three years with NO income. A pure miracle if you ask me…or a million little miracles.

Well, by the grace of God, I got approved at my very first hearing. My lawyer was shocked. He had told me from the beginning that I had the toughest judge in our county. I also received a good amount of back pay, another thing my lawyer said this judge never does!

I got approved in December of 2017. The monthly amount is small, but with my housing I have managed to not have to panhandle anymore.

The best part? I used the back pay to buy a new bed that December. I had never had a brand new bed in my life (58 years)!…Until this point everything I had was donated…Yes, I was grateful to have it, but you have to understand it was hard to feel like this was MY home when everything I had was someone else’s first. Here is the photo of my very own bed….I also bought all new sheets, and the awesome quilt from Cracker Barrel. (I’d wanted one for so long)!

Then, when I got my last back payment this past December (2018), I bought all new furniture for my living room…not used, not rented…MINE! The drop leaf table is actually an antique that I found downtown here for $65 and only found out it was worth a bit more later on…

I only recently added the artwork and pillows to the sofa…and the matching lamps. 🙂

And, I had one of my photos enlarged, placed it behind an old window frame I found at a yard sale, and created a “window” for over my kitchen sink.

So, there is my new home…my favorite piece is the “fireplace”. But, the absolute best part of it all? I finally feel at home. For the longest time I was even afraid to hang pictures or do anything because I could not shake the fear of it happening again…losing it all and having no place to go.

I’m getting better…feeling safer day by day. And…I am truly happy.

My Wall of Joy and Christmas Spirit…

I just took an updated photograph of my wall of birthday and Christmas cards.

It’s funny cause I felt kind of “needy” asking folks to send me cards, but I’m so glad that I didn’t let pride stand in my way. This month of rushing to check the mail, and then opening all of these beautiful cards and gifts has made me so happy, and left me feeling blessed. I have not received this many cards in the past decade, never mind in one December!!! I am beyond blessed…I am joyful…I feel the spirit I was searching for, and it’s all because of you.

Forgive me if I don’t than each of you individually, but they have been coming so fast. Just know that each and every one of them is very, very special to me…Thank you…Hugs and much love to ya’ll!

*Update #2* More than Enough…I Am Blessed Beyond Measure!…

eJust got home dollar tree and Walmart. I got some household stuff at dollar tree, trash bags, paper towels etc. Then I went to Walmart to get some food to last until I get my stamps on Monday. I knew I was getting “too much”…I picked up my medication at the pharmacy and went to the register. As she was ringing it all up I began to panic and hold back items….I casually said to the lady behind me…”I hate having to put things back”. “What do you need to put back”? I showed her and she offered to pay for the items. Then I looked at the total already on the register and told the cashier I would still need to take a couple of items off, just so I wouldn’t be broke….The lady behind me looked at the register and said, “Run all of this through with mine. I’ll cover it all”!!!!! I still can’t stop crying!!

At the End of the Day…

So many people are focused on their “to-do” list. They rush through their days, weeks, months, just trying to check as much of that dang list as they possibly can. They want to feel they have accomplished things.

I used to envy those folks. Their ambition, their drive, the way they could run here and there all day long and just get so much done!

My life has changed in so many, many ways in the past few years…okay, decades. I have dreams. I have goals. I have an “idea” of a “to-do” list. But, after all the loss, all the pain and all the surviving I have had to do, I know what is truly important to me each and every day.

My “to-do” list is so very different now. Yes, I have the same things many folks have on theirs, wash clothes, go to the grocery store etc., but those kinds of things will always be here. The list may get longer or shorter, but it’s all just the things we need to do in life.

But what would happen if today was my last day? Would I care if the dishes were done, the clothes washed, the milk picked up? No…

As I sit here watching the sun set on another day, another day I will never have again…I ask myself these simple questions…

Did I make someone else’s day better today? Did I offer a hand, an ear, a shoulder? Did I make them smile or ease their burden a little?

Did I have enough to eat?

Did I laugh?

Did I tell someone I love them?

Did I give something of myself to this world today?

Yes, I did get my laundry done, the groceries bought, the house cleaned up, but at the end of this day, the only day that matters…did I “do” the things that really matter? I believe I did.

Being Homeless Gave Me My Life Back…Better Than Before!

Wow, I can barely believe the title of this post.

A few months, or even a year ago, I could not have imagined my life as it is today.

The years before I became homeless were not happy ones. My marriage had become more of a “roommate” relationship, and our constant financial struggle filled my days with stress and anxiety. I was so unhappy. But, this post is not about my marriage or my life before homeless. This post is about my life today, a life I had only dreamed about…a happy life.

Being homeless was probably the toughest thing I have ever had to go through, and yet, that is the key right there…going THROUGH, and coming out the other side. I am happier, healthier, stronger..and I feel more loved than ever.

You see… I realized this past year just how many people truly care about me. Old friends, new friends, friends I only know on the other side of this screen. These people have cried with me, rejoiced with me, comforted me with their words, prayers, finances and hugs. I could not possibly express how grateful and humbled I am with this realization. I AM LOVED. Wow.

The beginning of this new year has brought new hope and new joys. My bucket list got a big check mark on January second when I went horseback riding on the beach…a dream I have had forever! (bad photos from a phone)

That day was just beyond awesome. My horse, Dancer, was a little four year old filly and so much fun to ride! I can’t believe I finally got to ride a horse with the ocean lapping at her hooves…the salt air blowing my hair…awesome!

I have met so many new people who have fast become friends…I started going to karaoke again, remembering what it feels like to get up on stage and sing my heart out. It feels as if I have been reborn. Everything is new and exciting.

I am praying to hear about a job by Monday. Please pray, light a candle or whatever you do to send good vibes my way. Having a job, and my own income will be just one more piece of the puzzle in my new life. How cool is all of this? LOL…Yes, I just used an LOL…My face hurts from smiling.

I went to see my Med Doc this week, and he was amazed with how well I am feeling. He cut my meds down, with the goal of my being med free by the end of the year. I am happy about that too.

While most of the country is freezing, it was 63 here today. I stepped out on my balcony to take this shot.

I am blessed…and so incredibly grateful. Thank you Lord!

Let’s Be The Miracle…Please Help My Friends

I have so much to be thankful for this year, and I plan on a “thankful” post soon. Today however, my heart is set on helping someone who is in great need. Jessie and Jose are two of the many new friends I have made this year. I am so blessed to know them…but, they are struggling. I have asked and received so much from all of you during my struggles this year…and I am eternally grateful. I am asking now that we help Jose to get the surgery he so desperately needs. One person can’t do much, but as you have shown me, many people doing just a little makes a huge difference. Please look into your hearts this season and let’s be the miracle for this dear friend. Donate and share this link…you won’t be sorry…because when you help others…YOU are so blessed. Love, hugs, and Peace..Kim

http://www.gofundme.com/hl68kw

Homeless Day 28…Just One More Step to Safe!

Praise the Lord!!! I have found a place to go where I will be safe and cared for…I just need a little help to make it these next few days. I won’t get into all of the details yet, but I need only raise enough now for two more nights at the motel (Thursday and Friday). Then, I need money for gas and food…the total to get me from homeless to safe will be about $150 total. I know I have asked and received so much help from all of you already…but, this should be the last time I will need help to get out of this situation. If I can find just 15 people to donate $10 I will be HOME SAFE! WOOOOOOT! Please, if you have already donated this month, just sharing the link for my funding site should help me to reach this final goal…thank you thank you thank you!

http://www.gofundme.com/58zqnw

I am smiling and breathing for the first time since this nightmare began. I am beyond grateful to God and all of you amazing people in my wordpress family for giving me strength and encouragement through your words and actions…I pray every day that I may be there for you also…to warm your hearts as you have done for me…I love you.

Do a happy dance with me!! ()()()())))))*)))))))

“Trees in the Morning Mist”

Husband on Bus, Dogs in the Shelter…Now What?

Later today I will drive the husband to the bus station, then I have to bring both of my dogs to the local shelter, and then, I am on my own.

I am going to try to keep it together, because if I break I may not recover. I must stay tough. I am devastated to be losing my sweet pups, and not so devastated to be losing the “other half”. It will be good to be free of something that has been dead for so long. I just wish I had a job, or a place to live.

I was going to go home to Massachusetts. My brother offered to send me some travel money in two weeks when he got his SS check. However, he called me two days ago…he had a stroke! I am so worried about him, but I can’t be there. I’m glad his kids are up there with him. So…change of plans.

I’ve decided to try to stay in Georgia. I have a little money, and am going to head to Savannah. They have more resources for the homeless up there, and more job opportunities. I’m hoping to make this money stretch for at least two weeks, but even that seems like such a short time. I know God will provide, but I’m scared too.

I guess that’s it for now! Please keep me in prayer…

What Do You Write, When You Don’t Dare Speak?

What do you write when all that you are thinking are words you don’t want to speak out loud? How do you voice the time spent deciding between paying the bills and buying food? Or how the new spot you found on your chest looks exactly like the last time…when you had skin cancer. You know you won’t go to the doctor..You waited more than a year the last time anyway, right?

You don’t call anyone to chat because all that your thoughts contain is not something you want to share. Misery does not always love company. You watch PBS. You see those who truly have nothing, as you sit on your bed, inside a home, not a tent or worse. You find your blessings in watching the extreme poverty that makes you seem wealthy in comparison. You find the tiniest of things to be grateful for…and YOU are grateful.

Don’t stop long enough to remember that you are a month behind on rent, that so far the landlord has not said anything, Don’t stop playing endless games of solitaire on the computer, mindless hours, so the thoughts don’t come in and bother you once again. Keep smiling, even when it hurts. So many have it so much worse. Does their misery make you feel better in comparing?? Sometimes.

I mean, you don’t want anyone to know that you might be feeling sorry for yourself. It would not be cool. They would think you selfish. Focus on others. Find a way to reach out to someone in a more dire situation. Don’t think about the spot on your chest. You are find. It is all okay. Stay in the moment. Pray. Believe. Trust.

Where did your appetite go? You know you should be hungry by now, but the thought of eating makes you feel ill. You will force yourself to try later….later. Oh, how you long to lay down for another nap, another escape. You are tired all the time. Muscles ache from disuse. You know it’s not good…You should get up and function…but you don’t.

It will all work out. Nothing is really wrong. Right?

Porch Sittin’, Friend Huggin’, Flowers Bloomin’ Day…

So the debate between crawling back in bed and getting out of the house was won as I put my shoes on and got in my car. I had a couple of items to pick up at the new Dollar General right down the street and as I came toward home I drove on past. I stopped to bring hubby a soda at the house he is working on, and proceeded to drive to my friend Sheila’s house. I’m so glad I did. I knew a little porch sittin’ and one or two of her lovely hugs were just what I needed. We chatted, hugged, laughed and looked at all the lovely flowering bushes in her yard. It was so nice to just be out of the house. I’ve found it tough to make myself  just get out sometimes, not wanting to waste gas etc., but she lives so close. I need to do this more often.

I came home and sat out on my steps reading and playing “my stick” with the dogs. Fresh air, sunshine, fresh perspective. It’s all good. My faith in God’s plan is always with me, even when I wish He would let me in on it.

Sunlight